On Intuition

“I guess that’s normal.” I said to the doctor who stared at me wide-eyed. “No, that is not normal. Nobody should have to suffer.” She said. Such a simple sentence that rocked me to my core and challenged every belief I have ever internalized and built my life around. So let’s back up a bit to how it all started.

I had my annual checkup with a woman doctor (yes the gender here is important) that has glowing reviews. The reviews were written by women expressing how grateful they were that they felt heard and seen by this practitioner. Two things here, this shouldn’t be hard to find but it is and this was important for me to know because my first PCP in the United States misdiagnosed me with an autoimmune disease, turns out I don’t have rheumatoid arthritis, and she kept normalizing all the other symptoms I was actually worried about and telling me to… get this: drink water. This was going to be my second annual checkup in this new country and I was hoping with every fiber of my being that I would like this doctor and that she would hear me out and not brush anything under the rug.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that she cared. About every single worry. I won’t list the health issues I had been suspecting but I will tell you that the doctor was worried about them just as much and I’m happy to report that we are currently testing for them. When we got to talking about my menstrual cycle, she asked me to describe it to her and I did: “I’m in bed in excruciating pain two weeks out of the month, but I guess that’s normal.” And that’s when she told me that nobody should have to suffer and that it’s not normal. Who knew? The luteal and menstrual phases do not have to be debilitating.

The thing is, deep down, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to feel that way. But I was told to never trust my intuition. I was molded into the cynic my mother made sure I turned out to be. Intuition is synonymous with hysteria, I’m starting to realize.

My intuition was screaming at me for years that something was so very deeply wrong with some of the ways my body expressed itself. And I suspected a lot of the things I ended up being diagnosed with. Here’s some of them: gut issues and IBS, hormonal imbalances, inflammation. I’m being tested for so much more that only affects women.

Answering the doctor’s other questions, I could see the concern form on her face. Turns out, my depression and anxiety are not being treated by the medication I was taking. My sleep issues are not “just part of life.” She was so worried she got me in with a psychiatrist right after we were finished, who switched my medication and dosage.

All of this to say, I knew that I didn’t just need to drink more water. I knew that some things were not right and they needed to be taken care of. I knew it all. My gut would twist and turn every time I was told that all of it was normal.

Hélas, normal isn’t natural.

The lesson here is, as women, our intuition is a wise ancient one. If she’s telling you to do something, listen. It will always be worth it. And just like me, your life may depend on it.

Let the noise that doesn’t resonate be just that, noise.